Charlie-Ann & Sophia-Rose
Eleanor: Christmas is the time of year all about happiness, joy and other synonyms, I currently can’t think of
Bobbi: But it’s also about friends and those you choose to call your family
Eleanor: As you watch what you are about to see… focus in on those words in particular and remember a time when you, yourself were overcome by them
(Sitting down in the two chairs/bench)
Bobbi: Can you believe it’s almost Christmas? The lights, the cocoa, the music—it’s perfect!
Eleanor: Perfectly annoying. The same songs, the same fake cheer, the same people pretending they care for one week a year
Bobbi: (Snickers) Oh, come on. You can’t actually hate Christmas
Eleanor: Watch me
Bobbi: Okay, explain. Why the holiday hate?
Eleanor: Because it’s not about giving—it’s about buying. Everyone’s broke, everyone’s stressed, and somehow a guy in a red suit gets all the credit
Bobbi: That’s not what it’s about to me. It’s about slowing down and actually seeing people, especially those you love. Like, even just sitting here—this feels… warm
Eleanor: You mean cold
Bobbi: Look, I’ve got to ask…you’ve been scowling at that christmas tree now for ten minutes. What did it ever do to you?
Eleanor: It keeps sparkling at me. Repeatedly. Mocking me. Like everything else this month
Bobbi: Ah, the annual “Eleanor vs. Christmas” special. Is it coming soon to Netflix?
Eleanor: Very funny. You know what I hate? The forced cheer. Everyone pretending life’s perfect because there’s tinsel on it
Bobbi: Or maybe… People just need a reason to feel good for five minutes.
Eleanor: Then they should try honesty. Works better than eggnog.
Bobbi: You’re impossible
Eleanor: And yet, here I am. Merry… whatever you can tolerate! Bye Cindy Lou Who!!
Bobbi: I’ll see you tomorrow, if you’re in a better mood Grinch!
Eleanor: Doubt it, but we’ll see
(Turning and facing the other sides of the stage)
Bobbi: Why does she hate Christmas so much? What’s the point of being like this when everyone else is happy? I just don’t understand what there is to hate about Christmas because it’s full of fun, friends and food!
Eleanor: What in Santa’s sleigh does she see in this atrocious holiday all it does is waste peoples money, sanity, social battery and brings an awful amount of cinnamon and ginger flavoured junk. I hate Christmas!
Bobbi: When will Eleanore lighten up, she’s like Scrooge but worse cause she’s real
(Walks off)
Eleanor: Why does my best friend have to be a Christmas incarnate, but at least she is a good cook! I love Bobbi’s baking! I’ll get my mitts on some real cookies tomorrow
(Walks off and round the stage – meanwhile Bobbi walks back on a re-arranges the seats, Eleanor walks back on stage)
Bobbi: You Came!
Eleanor: I didn’t want to, but free chocolate and pizza seemed too good of a bargain not to miss
Bobbi: Why don’t we do some fun festive baking?
Eleanor: (Sarcastically) Fine… what are we making? Pizza skulls?
Bobbi: Lets scratch that idea…You nearly set the kitchen on fire last year, when you were… you know… merry?!
Eleanor: (No enthusiasm) That was a controlled flame. Totally intentional.
Bobbi: Right. Like your ‘cripsy’ Cookies.
Eleanor: (Very argumentative) That is an actual flavour
Bobbi: And your ‘caramelised’ Turkey as you named it
Eleanor: (Disgusted) No… that wasn’t me, that was my Dad.
(Sarcastically) Clearly, I inherited his exceptional cooking skills.
Bobbi: Clearly!
Eleanor: How about a film?
Bobbi: (Enthusiastically) Oh yeesssssss… How about: A Muppets Christmas Carol or Home Alone or A Miracle on 34th street or The Grinch – which is right up your street
Eleanor: (Sarcastically) Or we could watch the Nightmare before Christmas… except it’s Christmas now, which is already a nightmare.
Bobbi: How can you say that? You really don’t like Christmas, do you?
Eleanor: Not the way people do it now. It’s all buying, posting, pretending. What’s left that’s real about it?
Bobbi: I don’t know… the lights, the music, people coming together. That’s real enough for me.
Eleanor: But it’s temporary. Everyone’s kind for two weeks, then it’s back to ignoring each other till next December.
Bobbi: Maybe. But those two weeks still matter. Isn’t it better to have a little warmth than none at all?
Eleanor: I can’t think of anything worse than this festive joy you keep going on about!
Bobbi: How can you say that?… I’m just going to go and get something… be back soon! (Runs off)
Eleanor: (Mocking/joking tone) Oh so you’re the one abandoning me at Christmas (pause) How could you!
(Sitting in a chair with her back to Bobbi as she re-appears with a role of wrapping paper)
Bobbi: I’ve been gone for 2 seconds!
Eleanor: You better have not come back with more tinsel… otherwise this holiday will be even more ruined! (Underbreath) Why does she have to be such as Mariah Carey?
Bobbi: I can’t deal with this anymore, I need to know the truth (Hitting Eleanor with wrapping paper) Why do you hate Christmas soooo much?
Eleanor: Oww… Why are you asking?
Bobbi: Because I need to know why you are Scrooge in real life
Eleanor: Halloween is the superior holiday through and through
Bobbi: No I want the real reason
Eleanor: I don’t hate it, okay? It just… reminds me of things I’d rather forget. Everyone’s busy being cheerful, and I just feel out of place. It’s easier to roll my eyes than to explain that every jingle bell kind of hurts it’s so gimmicky and fake at this point… so why do we have celebrate the awful economy alongside the massive companies that run it while they hitch up prices just to make more profit while scamming their workers out of paychecks. You remember what happened to my Dad!
Bobbi: Wait—hurts? Eleanor, it’s Christmas. It’s supposed to make people happy, not… whatever this is
Eleanor: Yeah, well, not everyone gets the Hallmark version, Bobbi. Some of us got… quieter holidays. Empty stockings. Awkward dinners
Bobbi: (Softens) You never said that before
Eleanor: What’s the point? People just tell you to “get into the spirit.” Like that fixes everything
Bobbi: (Sits beside her) I guess I didn’t think about it like that. I just… I miss you at Christmas. You used to light up more than the tree
Eleanor: (Small laugh) Yeah, well, I guess my bulb burned out
Bobbi: Then maybe we change that this year. No pressure. No fake smiles. Just us—hot chocolate, bad movies!
Eleanor: And you not hitting me with wrapping paper
Bobbi: (Laughs) No promises
Bobbi: (Deep breath) Can you just sit here and imagine something for me… please?
Eleanor: (Sits down reluctantly) Fine
Bobbi: You remember those Christmases you spent here away from everything that was happening at your home, when Christmas was our special time of the year?
Eleanor: I miss that, not necessarily Christmas but us spending time together. Those times where we just ordered pizza and watched films. I became like part of the family, especially when we watched that! (Points at the film in Bobbi’s Hands)
Bobbi: You mean this ridiculous film. Look, if Kermit the frog as Bob Cratchit doesn’t make you cry with laughter, you’re legally not allowed to celebrate Christmas.
Eleanor: (Sarcastically) Oh I Know… It’s not Christmas until Michael Caine sings with puppets… you’ve only told me like a million times!
Bobbi: More like a million and one!…Do you remember that snowstorm when we were 12? We got stuck inside?
Eleanor: Your Dad made us shovel the entire driveway before we could open gifts.
Bobbi: (Pause as if thinking) It was Character building.
Eleanor: It was child labor… I’m pretty sure it was against my basic human rights
Bobbi: We were earning our presents, plus it meant we got pancakes after and we did have a good laugh while doing it… it became some sort of weird snowball fight
Eleanor: (Laughs for a second and then snaps back into the cynicalness) That’s true… but that doesn’t make up for it being an overpriced, fake jolly time of the year!
Bobbi: (Becoming annoyed) Can you for once just see Christmas through my eyes just for once… If you did, you would see that Christmas isn’t about the presents or the fancy dinner slash breakfast… It’s about our family and friends, the moments where Christmas feels just a bit more magical than any other time of the year. It’s about letting the people closest to you know how much you love them and are glad that you are so close to them. Please would you just wake up and see that.
Eleanor: Wow… that sounded like something from a trashy Christmas Romcom!
Bobbi: Can you please just do that… who are the people you care for the most?
Eleanor: Ok… The people who mean the most to me are my mum, my dad, both my grandparents and even though he is super annoying, my little brother… and of course my best friend, who I only have to make me cookies!
Bobbi: WOW! How rude! Can you just admit that you hate being a Scrooge and you see Christmas for how it really is and I was right and you were wrong!
Eleanor: You were right. About Christmas, I mean. It’s not really about the stuff or the songs. It’s about the moments. Like this one.
Bobbi: So… you’re saying you’re not a total Scrooge anymore?
Eleanor: I’m saying I’m a recovering Scrooge. One cookie at a time. Merry Christmas, BobbiBobbi: Merry Christmas, Eleanor
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